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    Marriage customs

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    Chris Seaborn
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    Marriage customs

    Post by Chris Seaborn on 26/10/10, 07:41 am

    rich.redw Today at 0:01

    Hi There..its me again..I was wondering if someone can tell me about marriage customs in Nanning?? My wife is 57 (will be 58 in November) Her English is not so good and she uses google translation and of course sometimes there are misunderstandings that we try to correct from time to time. Ok, heres the story, we were discussing our marriage and I wanted to know what the situation was regarding exchanging of rings and other customs attached to the wedding in Nanning?? First, she said she did not want a big expensive wedding and I was ok with that..as we were discussing further,she told me that I will have to give her parents money as well as her relatives who would receive a red envelope with money as well..?? She also mentioned that I have to give money to buy bedding ( a quilt and other bedclothes) If that is the custom, then no problem, but I met a Scottish man who recently got married in Xi`an and he never mentioned anything about that!!!Or, I may have misuderstood what she meant. I am inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt as she is a traditional Chinese lady and we have met in person before but of course I would like to hear comments from all of you who are more experienced with these matters Best Regards.....Rich.
    P.S. I am now 65 years and one hour!!
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    chinatyke
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    Re: Marriage customs

    Post by chinatyke on 26/10/10, 08:02 am

    Chris Seaborn wrote: rich.redw Today at 0:01
    Her English is not so good and she uses Google translation.....I may have misunderstood what she meant. I am inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt as she is a traditional Chinese lady
    Only inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt? Hardly the basis for a marriage.

    If she is "traditional" how many more in her tribe have married foreigners to make it customary?

    Now here is some serious marriage advice for you:

    Q. What do you do when you meet a good Chinese woman?

    A. Shoot her before she turns bad. Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

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    Beijing2008
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    Re: Marriage customs

    Post by Beijing2008 on 26/10/10, 08:33 am

    Chris, I don't know if he has been to Nanning, it's no clear from his story. If not, he should do that first.
    As far as I know and have seen of Chinese marriage, you give and pay for the party, but with all red envelopes you'll get,you will make a profit.
    About the rings, be prepared for a platinum ring, or gold ring with diamonds.Its all about appearances.
    the 'withnesses and bridemaids' will organise the party and the show around it.Don't think you have anything to say about it. But if you decide to have a small party, it will be an other story.Then the 2 of them can decide what to do and what not.
    As we all know , the maariage on it self, is just signing papers, nothing more.Oh and the small speech by the marriage-office official on behalve of the PRC. Very Happy
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    davidmckendrick
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    Re: Marriage customs

    Post by davidmckendrick on 26/10/10, 08:50 am

    I think it is traditional to have red bedding after the wedding but my mother in law bought new stuff for us. We chose gold wedding rings the day before the wedding but much cheaper than a big engagement ring in the UK would have cost. You don't give red envelopes to the friends and relatives; they give you the red envelopes with varying amounts of money. Whatever they give you you are expected to give the same amount when attending their weddings....
    Since my wife had a big reception at her first marriage with about 500 guests we just had a small celebration with about 40 guests. My wife said I was getting off lightly as her dad was so pleased that I was paying for the honeymoon...

    David

    davext
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    Re: Marriage customs

    Post by davext on 26/10/10, 10:38 am

    hi folks,looks like i was the lucky one , Very Happy my marriage in China was 9 yuan/ no party (she did not want one )no honeymoon (although we had a nice few weeks in Sanya did not want ring (although we had one made from some gold i took to Nanning , it cost 12 yuan In oz i asked a jeweler how much / he wanted 400 dollars so it does pay to shop around Very Happy so i think i would check out all this stuff of traditional marriage do,s and dont,s Davext

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    Re: Marriage customs

    Post by CPRSCC on 26/10/10, 01:17 pm

    Marriage customs are changing but some things remain.

    Rings: If you'd married at home you'd give your new wife an engagement and wedding ring. Why not do the same in China? We did and the only disconcerting thing I found is that she doesn't always wear her engagement ring when we're out in China. Says she's afraid that someone will try to steal it.

    Red envelopes: Traditionally given to the brides parents to recognise the effort/expense in raising their daughter. For second and subsequent marriages it's not always required but a token amount will put you in good stead. The exact amount is very important - some numbers are auspicious. When the subject came up for us I said that in Australia the bride's parents pay for the wedding. We quickly came up with a compromise where I paid for the reception and we gave all the red envelopes received from the guests to my wife's parents. They were very happy with this arrangement. It was my wife's first marriage so this satisfied the tradition and there was no distasteful (to me) haggling.

    Like any woman, a Chinese lady's wedding is very important to her. Indulge her a bit, it won't cost very much. From memory, our reception for about 120 people worked out at about $AUD5.00 per head. Li still watches the video quite regularly.

    It is customary for a newly married couple to have new things, especially bedding. We discussed this and it seemed a bit pointless since I already had a full household of everything we needed. Nevertheless, despite our requests for "no presents" Li's mother bought us a complete set of bed linen (all red). We were already at the limit for baggage allowance so this threw us way over - cost an absolute fortune in excess baggage. Oh well....

    In my opinion you do need to do some things that are customary in China but not all. Bear in mind that most Chinese women are not out to fleece you but it is ingrained in their culture to look after their parents and even older relatives so this may be the reason for her raising this. You should recognise that by marrying her you take on some responsibility for her parents as well.
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    makem
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    Re: Marriage customs

    Post by makem on 26/10/10, 01:34 pm

    I think a lot of this 'customs' is related to 'face'.

    Spend more or give more = more 'face'

    Bruno
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    Re: Marriage customs

    Post by Bruno on 26/10/10, 04:29 pm

    chinatyke wrote:
    Only inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt? Hardly the basis for a marriage.

    If she is "traditional" how many more in her tribe have married foreigners to make it customary?

    Now here is some serious marriage advice for you:

    Q. What do you do when you meet a good Chinese woman?

    A. Shoot her before she turns bad. Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy


    Sounds like you didn't receive the benefit of the doubt ?
    Experience tells me if you felt the wrath of a Chinese woman you probably did something to deserve it.
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    Beijing2008
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    Re: Marriage customs

    Post by Beijing2008 on 26/10/10, 04:54 pm

    davext wrote:hi folks,looks like i was the lucky one , Very Happy my marriage in China was 9 yuan/ no party (she did not want one )no honeymoon (although we had a nice few weeks in Sanya did not want ring (although we had one made from some gold i took to Nanning , it cost 12 yuan In oz i asked a jeweler how much / he wanted 400 dollars so it does pay to shop around Very Happy so i think i would check out all this stuff of traditional marriage do,s and dont,s Davext
    yep, we also, because of problems about translation of my Dutch papers,the Mariage office was nagging about, I had to go to Dutch consulate,to get a Consulary Statement =that I was single and ,as far as they could see, without a relationship = Mad and didn't have time to have a marriage party, I already had to rescedule my flight to NL. So the party wasn't in february, but in June, when I came to take my wife to NL.But she was 6 months pregnant by than, cheers so only a farewell party with our family and close friends..

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    Re: Marriage customs

    Post by Guest on 26/10/10, 07:29 pm

    All due respect to everyone Chinese culture always seen to be very strong when money is involved what about your culture when you're in China who are looking after your parents even your children does your future Chinese wife consider this, always seemed to be to me a one-way street I never seen the question what should my Chinese wife buy my parents.

    What is a traditional Chinese woman I don't think they even know in China any more.

    When I got married six years ago I thought we'd was going to arrange the wedding left my wife's house in a pair of jeans and T-shirt riding along on the back of her motorbike, when we arrived at the PBS office after filling in the forms the lady announced I was married I just couldn't believe it that simple, three days later we had a big wedding party a few days later we bought the rings at my insistence maybe it wasn't traditional wedding but something else was a little bit more important for both of us a thing called LOVE


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    Chris Seaborn
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    Re: Marriage customs

    Post by Chris Seaborn on 26/10/10, 09:12 pm

    Robert wrote..something else was a little bit more important for both of us a thing called LOVE


    Oh Robert...you can be such a sweetie!......not often though! LOL

    Chris.
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    chinatyke
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    Re: Marriage customs

    Post by chinatyke on 26/10/10, 11:01 pm

    Bruno wrote:

    Experience tells me if you felt the wrath of a Chinese woman you probably did something to deserve it.


    Oh yes, how right you are: I married her.

    And Robert, LOVE didn't even come into her plan.

    Being a 'traditional Chinese woman' she introduced me to a new hobby - the ancient art of leech keeping.

    But now I've seen the light, hallelujah!

    Graham, keeper of Chinese leeches.
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    wanneroo
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    Re: Marriage customs

    Post by wanneroo on 26/10/10, 11:47 pm

    Robert I totally agree with what you have said. My Mary does not have parents.Traditional attributes are not evident. she is very driven by not wasting money, I was told not to take a taxi whilst in Nanning it was on the bus for 1 yuan, this was on the second visit, She knows food in Australia is a lot more expensive than in Nanning, She wants to go fishing to catch her Dinner. rather than buy expensive fish, Mary is showng her upbringing. there is no money to waste. she does keep a tight purse. Its just the way she is now she has never had money to waste. I tend to give her things that she appreciates. Mary has never asked me for anything. she is such a careful person having a hard upbringing has made her this way,
    Maybe she will change in the future. if living in Australia money is the common denominator here. conversation always gets round to money, it is driven by the media, I watched foreign correspondent on ABC tv last night, they did a Chinese thing re the pollution etc the second half was on Mumbi India the guy doing the presentation an Australian reporter lived amongst these people who have nothing much, he was totally blown away with the love that existed between human beings, the place was a dump, he said how important it was to see the support from one another in poverty, it just brought home that money is important, but love is the platforn to work from, most Westerners are considered attractive in China because its money, we promote money, we have streets paved with gold, I agree with Robert's comments what about us? it cant be a one way street. We have a culture too, Thank God Mary doesnt exibit traditional aspects what ever this is, Iam a traditional Pom living in tinsel town, not in the investment league however, people here have investments, this is in the house they live in they dont have a home,its all driven by money, how big can you build your pile attitude,not to say that some Chinese Women are out to scam vunerable guys, One has to make sure of a true devotion not driven by cash, and constant hand outs to parents and relatives when getting married cheers Geoff cheers
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    wanneroo
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    Re: Marriage customs

    Post by wanneroo on 26/10/10, 11:56 pm

    Hi, I saw this on ABC iView and thought you'd be interested.

    Foreign Correspondent 26/10/10
    http://www.abc.net.au/iview/#/view/662441

    There are 27 days remaining before this video expires.

    ABC iView is an internet broadcasting service which lets you catch up with a selection of programming from the ABC.
    It offers high fidelity, full-screen video for high speed internet users (ADSL2/1.1Mbps connection speeds).
    Accessing content via this service may affect your internet service provider download limits.
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    wanneroo
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    Re: Marriage customs

    Post by wanneroo on 27/10/10, 12:11 am

    this is the Mumbi doco

    Hi, I saw this on ABC iView and thought you'd be interested.

    Kevin McCloud: Slumming It Series 1 Episode 1
    http://www.abc.net.au/iview/#/view/659866

    There are 13 days remaining before this video expires.

    ABC iView is an internet broadcasting service which lets you catch up with a selection of programming from the ABC.
    It offers high fidelity, full-screen video for high speed internet users (ADSL2/1.1Mbps connection speeds).
    Accessing content via this service may affect your internet service provider download limits.

    rich.redw
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    Re: Marriage customs

    Post by rich.redw on 27/10/10, 12:34 am

    Hey all, thanks for all information....I think I got the picture...Well see what happens in a few months... Well, at least Im more informed about what to expect..Cheers...Rich
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    dafu
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    Re: Marriage customs

    Post by dafu on 28/10/10, 12:37 am

    CPRSCC wrote:...Red envelopes: Traditionally given to the brides parents to recognise the effort/expense in raising their daughter. For second and subsequent marriages it's not always required but a token amount will put you in good stead...
    It is important to realise that red envelopes (hongbao) are simply a way of giving money to someone. There is no specific connection with weddings. They are used for bribes, presents or payment for services. The red paper symbolises good fortune but it also conceals the exact quantity of money inside. In past times it would have been considered rude to hand cash to someone without first placing it in a hongbao. Nowadays the custom tends to be limited to Spring Festival, weddings and 'palm greasing'. More hongbao are sold each day than cans of Heinz Beanz.

    It is interesting how different cultures can view the same activity in totally different ways.

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    Re: Marriage customs

    Post by CPRSCC on 28/10/10, 01:23 am

    dafu wrote: It is important to realise that red envelopes (hongbao) are simply a way of giving money to someone. There is no specific connection with weddings.

    You are quite right dafu. I was referring to weddings but there are, as you say, many other situations where the red envelope is used.
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    wanneroo
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    marriage

    Post by wanneroo on 28/12/10, 12:54 pm

    I announce to the forum that Mary and myself are to be married in Perth Australia Jan 2nd 2011. We have a celebrant to perform the legal documents, the venue is at my friends Balinese garden, We return to Nanning on the 24th then apply for the spouces visa off shore. It all seems to be in slow motion and a dream. Is this really happining? I vowed I would never marry again since my divorce in 1984, Then I met Mary 12 months ago, all changed Chinese ladies say no more Very Happy Very Happy

    rich.redw
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    Re: Marriage customs

    Post by rich.redw on 28/12/10, 03:10 pm

    Well done Waneroo bounce I wish you all the happiness in the world..Ill be visiting Nanning on Jan.20th to stay a month with my girlfriend I hope we can meet up if you have the time....Ill give you some details later
    Cheers...Rich. Laughing

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    Re: Marriage customs

    Post by Guest on 28/12/10, 07:29 pm

    Hi Geoff.

    I wish you give me a bit more notice about your wedding I take it as granted a would be receiving a invite to the wedding, been trying all day to get an return ticket to Australia it's very easy to get a plane to Australia trouble is all planes are full leaving Australia I was informed because all Australians are leaving at the moment something to do with a cricket match I understand lol

    Well wishing your best and good luck with marriage send my regards to Mary
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    davidmckendrick
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    Re: Marriage customs

    Post by davidmckendrick on 28/12/10, 10:54 pm

    Hi Geoff, Congratulations and best wishes to you and your fiancee.

    David & Mei

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    Re: Marriage customs

    Post by CPRSCC on 28/12/10, 11:57 pm

    Congratulations Geoff and Mary

    davext
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    Re: Marriage customs

    Post by davext on 29/12/10, 12:43 am

    Hi Folks, i see from previous posts we are still talking of Traditional chinese woman / and values etc, to find a traditional chinese you would have to look pre -cultural revolution days , :lol:Davext
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    nigelld7
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    Re: Marriage customs

    Post by nigelld7 on 29/12/10, 01:42 am


    Congratulations Geoff and Mary and best wishes to you both for the future.

    Nigel and Lily.

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