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    living with your Chinese lady in a western enviroment

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    wanneroo
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    living with your Chinese lady in a western enviroment

    Post by wanneroo on 19/11/10, 04:59 am

    My Lady Mary is now with me for three months. I thought I would pass on some of my observations of living with a Chinese lady for fellow members

    I have had to completely revise my lifestyle i.e., no music or very little I love music, but Mary is somewhat turned off to it, I have a audio system that complements the music I have, which is a lot collected over the years plus DVDs (no Chinese no go}, which I have collected, I enjoy the freedom to play what I want when and how I choose, I dont wish to give this side up, I know we have to adjust, there are items that I have to adjust to.things like penny pinching. which in it self is good, but can be a pain to live with, like turning the TV off at the wall, no stand by. which is ok the constant thrifty lifestyle is a pain to live with,computer off at the wall also its a little over the top, however she is mindful of waste down to saving glad wrap to use again and again

    Being told how not to brown toast, the way I eat it, little things being told to do this and that grinds at me, its being told what to do that pisses me off, I am not used to it, Not being trusted to cook, I have been cooking and shopping well before I met Mary, I maybe over reacting to being treated like a child, its not something I choose to be treated like. Chinese or not I have my culture too I appreciate Marys Culture, she needs to be mindful of what I expect her to be like whist forming our practical side of our relationship, I have no bedroon problems she is a very loving woman, its like having two females in the house at times , Its not a bed of roses all the time. like Al said and hes correct I have chosen to go down the road with a Chinese lady, The trade off is enormous, Financially Mary is easy to provide for , no waste like she says, it is this penny pinching that gets to me, and being watched in everything I do, I dont wish to be controlled, I am too old for that, She needs to be aware of my feelings which is difficult with the langage barriers, Its just something that is bugging me prior getting married and having no freedom at all I need to be sure.

    So I will hire an interpreter to get her to understand the reservations that exist, Mary has a survival instinct that grates a little, I do respect her and the way it has been her being brought up in China, They do need to be mindful that Western Men are not Chinese men and visa versa She is so good to me she cleans and washes,she wont use the washing machine or the microwave oven however, Obsessive cleanliness is somewhat irritating just some new things to deal with, She is playing the Wife role, its just a little woory adjusting to or if I want peace and no hassles in my remaining years

    Photographs are the name of the game, wherever we go out even the supermarket I have to be in all the shots mainly its like an obsessive compulsive behaviour whatever we are doing out of the house is me in the starring role I am worn out posing
    It would be good to read other members experiences



    Cheers Geoff
    affraid

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    Re: living with your Chinese lady in a western enviroment

    Post by Guest on 19/11/10, 08:41 am

    Hi Geoff.

    The situation you find yourself I try to explain on the thread "The other side of marriage when you marry a Chinese" in this section.

    Liking most situations when you share your life and home with a lady you have to adapt to the new situation and the older we get more stubborn we become without realising it sometimes.

    About Mary penny-pinching Chinese really dislike waste of any kind you have to get used where everything seems have monetary value myself after six years of marriage I appreciate the amount of money my wife has saved me it's far better than having the opposite where your wife is spending your money like it running out tomorrow or wasting it, my advice just get used to it and appreciate her even if it is annoying.

    About your music some people find it very annoying including myself if it playing all day my advice is to buy a pair of headphones and tried to introduce Mary to western music it willl.take a long time just be patient.

    Westerners think we are superior to Chinese and Chinese think there superior to Westerners this is where culture clashes and being watched at every think you do they think you're incapable of doing anything and always telling you what it right just their way really in helping you it's not really being controlled feel like it yes but they really want to look after you the best thing you can do is have a sense of humour and if you like brown toast just tell her and don't compromise the both of you have take and give.


    Having a interpreter and making her really understand your dislikes and likes will not make much different they are determined in their way to make your life much better.

    My advised overall look at the positive don't let the negative depress you she's only trying to help really you're very lucky man
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    davidmckendrick
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    Re: living with your Chinese lady in a western enviroment

    Post by davidmckendrick on 19/11/10, 01:11 pm

    There are three secrets to a good marriage. Communication, communication and communication...

    If something is annoying you then you have to let her know now and not continue to put up with it. If you let her do what she wants now then the frustration will build up in you and lead to an early divorce. I think the expression we use is "When in Rome do as the Romans do". I had a few arguments when Mei tried to make a lot of changes when she first arrived. Several times I suggested that if she didn't like the way I lived then perhaps she should return to China alone. We have since made several changes but they have been gradual compromises rather than sudden changes. I now know just to agree with whatever she suggests but to only do what I want to do. If she doesn't want brown toast she doesn't have to eat brown toast but continue to make it the way you want it. If she doesn't want to use the washing machine or microwave doesn't stop you from using them!!!
    If Mei tried switching the TV etc off at the wall then my programmes wouldn't be recorded. I do remember telling her not to touch the remote for the sky box downstairs while I'm out because she did change which programmes were recorded so now she watches the TV in the bedroom while I'm out which has its own sky box.
    When she first used the washing machine she mixed the whites with colours but only did that a couple of times before realising that what I was telling her was sensible...
    Mei likes to be in all of my photographs and can't understand why I would want to take photos of scenery without her standing in the foreground.. If you don't like the photographs you could always take the batteries out of the camera or start pulling faces whenever she points the camera at you...

    David
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    wanneroo
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    Re: living with your Chinese lady in a western enviroment

    Post by wanneroo on 19/11/10, 01:56 pm

    Thanks Dave you are hitting the nail on the head We have to have a sense of humour in the transistions of adjusting to our different ways You made me laugh, we dont argue at all I tell her nicely that I like my toast brown I just observe her opinion and try to tell her with diplomacy like you say communication, its difficult when language barriers are in place, however I have my inner thoughts and try to be a reasonable person
    Today it was 39c hot in Perth Mary told me the mattress was hot to lie on so I took it off the bed and stuck it by the window so she likes the divan base to sleep on and the fan to keep her cool, Being Chinese beds are hard and more practical in the heat of Nanning I know I have been there in July and August I must have lost a few pounds in weight, she comes up to me and puts her arms around me and thanks me for making her feel cooler
    I know she will settle down, like I will, when in Rome etc is the way I try to tell her if she wants to wash by hand and not use the microwave I dont have any problem, its being treated like a child that does grate I am trying the strong man routine but it ends up with her and I laughing at one another, its early days this is a test run we have a way to go thanks Dave for your input cheers Geoff
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    chinatyke
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    Re: living with your Chinese lady in a western enviroment

    Post by chinatyke on 19/11/10, 05:03 pm

    I try to tell her if she wants to wash by hand and not use the microwave I dont have any problem...

    What strange ways you Aussies have, we English people use the microwave for cooking. Very Happy Laughing Just another cultural difference I guess.

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    Re: living with your Chinese lady in a western enviroment

    Post by Guest on 19/11/10, 06:58 pm

    Hi Geoff.

    I quite understand how your wife feels can I refer you to this thread am sure it be helpful if you read it

    http://nanninginfosite.editboard.com/the-vault-f6/must-be-the-weather-t2262.htm#17419

    rich.redw
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    Re: living with your Chinese lady in a western enviroment

    Post by rich.redw on 19/11/10, 10:31 pm

    Hi Geoff, glad to hear that your marriage got off to a "flying start". Arrow Sorry, I`m not qualified to give any advice because I have yet to experience how it is to live with a Chinese Lady and a traditional one at that. I will however get a taste of what ts like because Ill be staying with my girlfriend in Nanning from 20th January to 15th February..the longest time well spend together.Of course theres a big difference....Im staying at her place in her environment but Ill make some observations and try to find out what her likes and dislikes are so I wont be too surprised by her actions when she comes to live with me. Its a tricky situation to deal with all those changes youre going through, hopefully you both will come to some kind of agreement as time goes by. Penny pinching is not a big deal let her have her way with that..I wouldnt let that bother me at all...thats a good quality believe me!! Like I said...the beat goes on..........enjoy Laughing
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    Beijing2008
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    Re: living with your Chinese lady in a western enviroment

    Post by Beijing2008 on 20/11/10, 02:04 pm

    Hey RIchRedw, dit you think about my suggestion to move to Ireland for a while, to get your friend to N-Ireland.


    When my wife came to NL, even when I had sent pics about the house, she was rather confused by my collection of Olympic stuff, fe I have almost all Olympic Swatches since Montreal,and McDonald watches Montreal etc. and a lot of coins, stampbooks etc.Dating from Amsterdam Olympics 1928 .Coca Cola Olympic glasses.So an Olympic household....
    We HAVE made some adjustments, but my collection will stay intact, also because the market for Swatches has broken down, I don't sell for almost nothing.
    And I have a dolphin collection, since I was in the Sinai swimming with a solitairy dolphin.Very Happy
    And in Kaikoura,[didn't like it, to commercial]
    She has learned to live with it...
    As I had to learn to live with all Chinese, smelling, 'medication'.
    And the point of view that her income is for her.I respect that, till I have to pay back to the Tax and Revenue, because the family income was more than accounted for.


    Last edited by Beijing2008 on 21/11/10, 10:54 am; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : changes)

    rich.redw
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    Re: living with your Chinese lady in a western enviroment

    Post by rich.redw on 20/11/10, 08:12 pm

    Hi Beijing 08...Thanks, I did consider your idea of moving to the Rebublic but things have gone too far and I have registered her name in the city council here..Also its more complicated than you think seeing that Im not an Irish citizen but Swedish..it might just come back to bite me in the future if I register myself in the Republic just for her to obtain a visa and then move back to Northern Ireland.One never knows what the British Govt. has up its sleeve..Ill just let things run its course and if it gets too complicated, Ill just move back to Sweden...living with her some months in China and the rest in Sweden until the visas are ready...that being the last resort of course, my girlfriend knows the situation and is ready for any changes that might occur along the way to happy marriage !!
    Cheers...Rich.
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    Beijing2008
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    Re: living with your Chinese lady in a western enviroment

    Post by Beijing2008 on 20/11/10, 09:33 pm

    YOU ARE SWEDISH, SO YOU ARE AN EC CITIZEN ALREADY cheers
    By moving to N Ireland from Sweden you used your Right of Free movement, and your wife/girlfriend can use the profits of YOUR rights.
    So only thing she has to do, prove of your steady relationship, and apply for an entry visa, free of charge, en to be issued in 4 weeks at the most. Basketball
    Look at the Border Control/Immigration Agency ; regulations for visa for partner of EC citizen.
    Good Luck, glad to be able to help Laughing Idea lol!
    TOGETHER WE STAND...

    IF you want , you can go together to the UK Embassy in Guangzhou to apply for a visa, if it is not to fast.
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    Chris Seaborn
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    Re: living with your Chinese lady in a western enviroment

    Post by Chris Seaborn on 20/11/10, 09:47 pm

    I guess our biggest problem is that having lived alone for a few,(many) years,we tend to get selfish, I don't mean in a money sense necessarily, but in a 'my' sense. We have to learn to live with someone else again. This may not be easy if a past life had been a bad one. In saying this though, we all still need our own time and space. Then of course there's the different culture to contend with. Mary is careful with money, that's a bonus to start with, a few dollars saved can buy those headphones LOL. Music is very important for a lot of people, my neighbour thinks so, when you put on an opus you love you imagine the whole neighbourhood will enjoy it. Same with your partner, music that you love may not be the music she loves. I mean, in a past life I couldn't play any Johnny Horton or Johnny Cash! I mean, how mean is that! LOL. But you can get her back by using headphones and singing along...always out of tune!!! My music taste is vast though, so Asian music is there too. If headphones are not the go, maybe create a music room, and get your own time in there.

    But Geoff, your relationship will be sucessful because, and I quote...... I am trying the strong man routine but it ends up with her and I laughing at one another,....Laughter will rid you of your misgivings and allow you to start counting your blessings.

    cheers,
    Chris.
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    Chris Seaborn
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    Re: living with your Chinese lady in a western enviroment

    Post by Chris Seaborn on 20/11/10, 10:00 pm

    Hey Ton, bad boy! You're moving off topic.(Again) If it's not reasonable to start a new or add to a previous topic, re EC visas, that has been discussed before, then just send the person concerned a PM. We've all been guilty of this, but it makes topics very dis-jointed for members who are trying to get answers.

    Cheers,
    Chris.
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    Re: living with your Chinese lady in a western enviroment

    Post by Beijing2008 on 21/11/10, 10:52 am

    Chris, ur so right, but I think in this special circumstance it was necessary to help Rich out.And it was about living in western environment, wasn't it Idea I'll try to adjust my impulsivity....

    To go back to topic;
    =most of the Chinese people don't use a watch; being on time on an appointment is something they really don't know.
    =Chinese women often do expect you, to drop everything you're doing, to answer a question, or help studying.
    =DON'T go shopping with them to a Chinese supermarket; you'll need a trailer to bring everything home, and make xtra storage.As others alreay pointed out, shopping with you wife is taking all day, visit all shops, and buying almost nothing.Or if there is a special offer, f.e. bodymilk,toothpaste or shampoo, you'll end up with a collection enough for a year.

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    All help appreciated..

    Post by rich.redw on 21/11/10, 11:34 am

    Hi Bejing 2008...thanks for trying to help me out with info, obviously Ill acquire more info along the way...no problem..will be taking things in stride until such time.. Cool ..no stress...Rich. Very Happy

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