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    True love?

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    makem
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    True love?

    Post by makem on 02/08/11, 10:26 pm

    Today I heard my wife crying whilst sitting at her computer in another room. When I asked the reason she asked me to wait until she had composed herself later.

    The subject of our discussion earlier that day had been about each of us making a Will.

    This is what she wrote:

    我为什么会如此的难过?
    正在看书,我家英国人说过来和我商量一件事。告诉我,他在写一个东西。在这个东西里需要写,当你死后,如何处理你的遗体?然后他说,如果他先死,他决定把他的遗体捐给国家有关部门做研究。,霎时五雷轰顶,泪流满面,我紧紧地抱着他,不再松手,仿佛一松手就是阴阳两隔,明日天涯.........。
    虽然我知道,生老病死是正常的事,可是真的要面对这个现实,尤其是自己最心爱的人。虽然只是表明一个方式,但是这仍然让我很害怕,很难过。因为我家英国人对我太好了,一个好字怎可以形容这种好?或许前婚姻太糟糕,从来没有享受过被关怀,被爱的滋味,现在和一个有教养的西方男人相处过后,才知道爱情的滋味,原来那就是平等,而今我得到这种平等,我是多么的在乎!
    当一个男人做所有的事都在为你考虑的时候,你能不感激么?当我来到这个国家的第一天起,他就说,不要我为生活操心,忧虑。所以,他安排所有的生活细节,买鞋买衣,防晒油.....,出门旅游,所有的行囊都是他收拾,我只需要跟着走就可以了,身体偶有不舒服,他就忙着联系医院,请医问药,无微不至。平时不牵你的手,但是过马路和旅游经过一些险要的路段,总是握着你的手,在他宽大的手掌里,我的心充满着踏实和幸福。他为我建立了银行账户,并在那里放了很多钱,虽然我不需要,我只要,只要和他永远在一起。这么好的男人,今天和我谈死,这就让我素手无策,惶惶然也。我真的还没有做好心里准备。我不要他死,我需要他环绕我的整个生命,我再也不要我的世界每天都是日全食。
    亲爱的,请不要再和我谈论死,不要让我为此再难过,你永远驻足在我的心里!有你就好。只有你。

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    I give you this in Mandarin to allow your wives to read if you so desire.

    I give you this Babel translation:

    Why can I like this sad? Is reading, my family English said and I discuss a matter. Tells me, him is writing a thing. Needs to write in this thing, when after you died, how to process your remains? Then he said that if he predeceases, he decided that donates the national Department concerned his remains to do the research. , likes a sudden thunderclap instantly, has tears streaming down the face, I closely am hugging him, no longer lets go, as soon as lets go is as if the masculine and feminine elements two separates, tomorrow horizon .......... Although I knew, the birth and death is the normal matter, but really must face this reality, particularly most beloved person. Although only indicates a way, but this still let me be afraid very much, is very sad. Because my family English has been too good to me, how good can the character describe this kind of good? , the marriage is too before perhaps bad, has not enjoyed has been shown loving care for, taste which loves, now and will have the education western man to be together, only will then know from now on love the taste, that will be an equality originally, at the present I obtain this kind of equality, I will be caring about how! When a man does all matters in considers for you, you can not be ungrateful? When I arrive at this country the first day, he said that does not want me to worry for the life, anxious. Therefore, he arranges all life trivia, buys the shoes to buy the clothes, the suntan oil ....., goes out the traveling, all travel bags are he tidy up, I only needed with to walk may, the body occasionally had not comfortably, he was busy at relating the hospital, asked the medicine to ask the medicine, meticulous. Usually does not pull your hand, but the street and the traveling pass through some important road sections, is always shaking your hand, in his spacious palm, my heart fills is being steadfast and is happy. He has established the bank account for me, and has put many money on there, although I do not need, so long as I, so long as with him forever in the same place. The such good man, today and I discusses dies, this lets me usually not have the plan, the fear is frightened. I really has not made in the good intention to prepare. I do not want him to die, I need him to surround my entire life, I do not want my world am the total solar eclipse every day again. Dear, please do not discuss again with me dies, do not let me for this reason again sad, you forever settle down in me at heart! Has you to be good. Only then you. Collection share.

    Perhaps having talked to your wife, you can answer my question?

    I place this in the 'After your wife arrives' thread to remind husbands that they should consider a Will now as any previous Will is redundant now you are married.

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    Chris Seaborn
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    Re: True love?

    Post by Chris Seaborn on 03/08/11, 08:27 am

    Eric,

    Thanks for posting that. A very moving piece. Our Chinese wives are something special aren't they.(Not a question) A good reminder for us all to get this done or updated.

    Chris.
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    makem
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    Re: True love?

    Post by makem on 03/08/11, 11:33 am

    Chris Seaborn wrote:Eric,

    Thanks for posting that. A very moving piece. Our Chinese wives are something special aren't they.(Not a question) A good reminder for us all to get this done or updated.

    Chris.

    Did your wife read it Chris?

    I showed my wife the Babel translation and she said it was very poor and did not really express what she has said.

    I would be interested in a Chinese womans summary.
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    Re: True love?

    Post by luckysteve on 03/08/11, 04:46 pm

    Hi Eric, I have just asked Li Li to read it out and she has just seen it posted on C N U K . ORG.
    Li Li has just tried to explain it all to me as best as she can using the translator on the computer and breaking it all down into sentences.
    The only problem is, it seems to be coming out most of the same theme.
    As we can all see before your Wife's marriage in China was no good.
    Since she has met and married you and arrived in England you have take complete care of everything for her. You have given her Love and respect and shown her she is an equal in your Marriage and from what Li Li says she worships the ground you walk on (the last part is my interpretation of what Li Li was trying to get across to me).
    When she was ill you took her to the Hospital and made sure everything was alright and held her hand to reassure her.
    You sorted out a Bank account and put money into for her which according to Li Li she did not want. Eric as long as she has you that is all she wants and will ever need just your Love and affection.
    You constantly hold her hand when out walking together and make her feel safe and secured.
    You a good role model Eric for us all to follow, having patience understanding and giving Love and treating your Wife as an equal.

    I am Sorry perhaps you know this things already but after reading all of it I had a tear in my eye and Li Li gave me a big Hug and told me she Loved me.

    Li Li says " YOU ARE A GOOD MAN ".

    Steve and Li Li Very Happy Smile .

    P.S. Li Li has seen your Wife's cooking and pictures on the web site and even asked your Wife for a recipe Smile


    Last edited by luckysteve on 03/08/11, 05:11 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Added a little bit more text from Li Li)
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    makem
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    Re: True love?

    Post by makem on 03/08/11, 06:02 pm

    Thanks for that summary, I had guessed as much. It was the tears that surprised me.

    As for holding hands, I never do that. It is uncommon in China and something I don't feel comfortable with at our ages.

    Perhaps I am just not soppy lol

    BTW Han asks for LiLi's net name


    Last edited by makem on 03/08/11, 06:26 pm; edited 1 time in total
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    Re: True love?

    Post by luckysteve on 03/08/11, 06:18 pm

    Sorry Eric, I can only pass on what Li Li said to me.

    Steve and Li Li Very Happy Smile .
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    makem
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    Re: True love?

    Post by makem on 03/08/11, 06:27 pm

    luckysteve wrote:Sorry Eric, I can only pass on what Li Li said to me.

    Steve and Li Li Very Happy Smile .

    I now gather that the holding hands part refers to when there is some danger - well, every man would do that.
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    Re: True love?

    Post by chinatyke on 04/08/11, 01:08 am

    The death of a former member was announced recently on this forum. A friend went to Guangzhou to help his widow and found that he hadn't made a Will. This creates a lot of problems because the deceased has brothers and sisters in USA and one has power of attorney for his US affairs. This sister does not agree that everything should benefit his widow and even under Chinese Law she is correct. These problems would have been avoided if a Will had been made.

    The Chinese inheritance laws are straightforward. You can read The Law of Succession here:

    http://eg.china-embassy.org/eng/qzyhz/t77135.htm

    If you die intestate the following would get equal shares: spouse, children, parents. The "children" referred to in this Law include legitimate children, illegitimate children and adopted children, as well as step-children who supported or were supported by the decedent.

    You can avoid this nightmare by making a Will.
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    Re: True love?

    Post by davidmckendrick on 04/08/11, 02:42 am

    Even if you do make a Will it has to comply with the law of the country where you are domiciled. If you moved to China then a US Will would no longer be valid so you would effectively die intestate. Many misunderstandings and arguements occur where the Power of Attorney or Executors are living in a different country from the deceased so they may misunderstand the inheritance laws which should be applied.


    David
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    Re: True love?

    Post by handyal on 05/08/11, 05:49 am

    Making a will is important, but depending on your family circumstances the conditions could be complicated.

    I've already made provisions for Ling to receive any lump sum death payment from my private Pension and to receive a widows pension. That was the easy part.

    How did you divide your estates if you have children from a previous marrige involved ?
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    Re: True love?

    Post by chinatyke on 05/08/11, 10:45 am

    handyal wrote:...
    How did you divide your estates if you have children from a previous marriage involved ?

    Chinatyke wrote:The "children" referred to in this Law include legitimate children, illegitimate children and adopted children, as well as step-children who supported or were supported by the decedent.

    In Chinese succession laws, all children are equal so treat them equally! Seems a sensible idea to me.


    But I'm a member of the SKI group (spending kids inheritance). Why should I travel goat class on Zimbabwe Airways when the kids will travel first class on BA using my money?

    Work hard, live long, die poor. (Source: UK government taxpayers charter) - Very Happy .
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    makem
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    Re: True love?

    Post by makem on 05/08/11, 10:51 am

    handyal wrote:

    How did you divide your estates if you have children from a previous marrige involved ?

    Hi Alan,

    My children apart from one who is 19 have made their own lives and don't need money ephasis on 'need'.

    The 'one' is being dealt with financially soon, to set him on the road.

    So, I am not a millionaire and because of my age, decided to see my days out in rented accomodation rather than live in most of my money.

    That being so, we decided that the simple way to deal with finance was to share equally among ALL children, mine and Han's, to make no preference. I have 5, she has 1.

    Therefore we were able effectiveley to make 'mirror' wills, except for funeral arrangements. A mirror will states that ALL will go to the spouse, who will be an executor along with 2 others. I then state that I want certain amounts given to ALL children equally. There is no need for Han to say this because If she dies first (unlikely) I will make financial arrangemnts. If we die together then our request to share all equally comes into force.

    As for property and money in China, the amount is relatively small and I decided to ignore it. Han's house is already subject to discussion as to who in her extended family really owns it anyway, although all are 'well off'. Her son, who will marry soon will get the house and is already renting it and receiving the rent. The Hukou has not been changed, allowing Han to return there if she desires. She will be able to remain in our current accomodation for the rest of her life by 'right' if she wants to.

    I have attached an 'instruction sheet' with my will showing the location of funds, how to get them and how to make Han's pension arrangements. She will be assisted by my executors.

    We both want cremation and Han's son wants her ashes sent to him in China. I have bequeathed my body to Cambridge University after any organs for transplant are removed (I doubt if any will be useful). If my body is acceptable (No alzheimers, obesity and certin other things), the Uni will use the body parts for 3 years and then cremate at their expense and I have asked that they do not involve my relatives at that late stage.

    I hope that will be helpful.
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    Re: True love?

    Post by handyal on 05/08/11, 05:43 pm

    My situation isn't that simple unfortunately.

    I own my own home and Ling has a 1/2 share in a house in China which her ex still lives in.

    If I deceased I want Ling to be able to live in our home for as long as she wishes, however if she wants to sell and move then I want the proceedes dividing. It would be unfair for my children to be in a position to 'houst' Ling from what would be her home but I don't want Ling to be in a position to sell and move back to China with all the cash.

    I've heard about some children resenting their Father remarrying because it threatens their inheritance. I haven't had any such problems, but then I'm not deceased yet!
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    Re: True love?

    Post by makem on 05/08/11, 09:18 pm

    Yes Alan, I understand your problem about your house. However, Ling will be the main executor and even if you make other provisions in your will, if she went off to China it would be very difficult and costly for your children to enforce whatever was in your will.

    The only way around this is for your children to make a legal charge on the property and lodge this with the land registry. She can never sell the house without using a solicitor who will carry out the legal charge. That is similar to what I did with the house in which my ex lived. When she sold I got the pre-arranged cash from the sale. This would need to be arranged soon and each offspring given a %age of the house sale value and to avoid trouble the offspring should include Ling's son.

    So on your death she gets all, lives in the house until sale or death when the house would be sold and shared as in the charge.

    You also need to say what happens if you both die together. Simple way, use the same legal charge to divide among all children

    If you didn't do that what would there be nothing to stop her selling at any stage and doing a moonlight without your children being aware. They would then have to chase her in China.

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    Re: True love?

    Post by davext on 05/08/11, 09:25 pm

    Hi Folks,i see once again MONEY rearing its ugly head again, LOL spend it all and problem solved Very Happy Davext
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    Re: True love?

    Post by makem on 05/08/11, 09:33 pm

    davext wrote:Hi Folks,i see once again MONEY rearing its ugly head again, LOL spend it all and problem solved Very Happy Davext

    Not possible m8

    Must leave some dosh for the funeral and make arrangemts for your wifes future.

    There will always be some money in your bank and pocket (maybe lol)

    What happens if you die on the way to the betting shop or pub?

    Yes I also don't worry about spending, or how much I will leave, I SKI along with Graham Wink

    MUST have a will, even more essential if you have a relatively new wife, children from your previous woman and are senior.

    My kids are no problem, they are pleased to have a true Chinese cook in the family lol.

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    Re: True love?

    Post by davext on 05/08/11, 09:43 pm

    Hi Eric you are right of course but i like the idea of not worrying about spending and just cruising along,hey what are you doing up at around 10 pm (roughly) on a Friday LOL Davext

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    Re: True love?

    Post by davext on 05/08/11, 09:48 pm

    Hi again Ps its 5.45 am here and i am getting ready to go Barramundi fishing at 6,30 Very Happy Dave xt
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    Re: True love?

    Post by davidmckendrick on 05/08/11, 09:57 pm

    Under Scottish Law my wife automatically gets half of what is left after I die except property which I can leave to anyone I like. The house in China is already in her sister's name so I have no control over that. I can give her more than half but not less!
    My Will was written specifically to exclude my brothers and sister and their children from inheriting since they have done little to help me over my life.
    Mei gets half of my works pension for life after I die. If she goes first I get her Life Insurance which I would give to her son since my pensions are already more than enough for me.
    Like Han, Mei was obviously upset when discussing what would happen after I die. She married for life.... not death.


    David

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    Re: True love?

    Post by davext on 05/08/11, 10:05 pm

    Yes its amazing what will come out of the woodwork when several million dollars is up for grabs Dave xt Laughing
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    Re: True love?

    Post by makem on 05/08/11, 10:16 pm

    davext wrote:Hi Eric you are right of course but i like the idea of not worrying about spending and just cruising along,hey what are you doing up at around 10 pm (roughly) on a Friday LOL Davext

    Actually I am listening to Sarah Brightman having just watched the America Has Talent final.

    10pm is late?

    Not in the UK, maybe in AU.

    We were talking today about where we would live if not in the UK and I chose AU with NZ a close second, but not if I am expected to go to bed at 10pm!
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    Re: True love?

    Post by makem on 05/08/11, 10:19 pm

    davext wrote:Yes its amazing what will come out of the woodwork when several million dollars is up for grabs Dave xt Laughing

    When did you will the lottery?

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    Re: True love?

    Post by davext on 05/08/11, 10:33 pm

    Hi Eric, i actually meant why were you at home and not out , as when i was living in London Friday / Sat night was night out ect as was lots to do/ Chelmsford maybe not /neverbeen there / as for lottery most ppl our age when all assets/ money sorted would i am sure would total a tidy sum Davext
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    makem
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    Re: True love?

    Post by makem on 05/08/11, 10:51 pm

    Chelmsford is dead after 7pm except for 2 or 3 places for youngster such as clubs and wine bars.

    We were out walking yesterday evening and made the remark 'we could be the only people on the planet'.

    We were 10 minutes from home on foot, had not seen anyone, could hear no sound except birds and a small wind in the trees which was welcome as it was quite hot even in the evening.

    Han always finds the emptiness of the UK compared with China, unsettling but welcome. She took several photos of flowers and plants in a local allotment. Flowers and plants are nonexistent in her home city except in the few parks which are crowded.

    PS saying 'up' meant not in bed to me lol, perhaps down under it has a different meaning.

    BTW are the women allowed in bars yet Wink

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