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    I wonder what the % is of wives doing a runner once permanant visas are granted ?

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    davext
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    I wonder what the % is of wives doing a runner once permanant visas are granted ?

    Post by davext on 30/11/11, 01:11 am

    Hi ppl, i was talking to a friend the other day, and seemingly his soon to be wife is already planning to ditch him for a younger man (this was found out from text messages on her phone ) now she is a Filipina who are infamous for this behaviour.So am wondering do any of the Forum members feel they have to be looking over there shoulders LOL , as i have mentioned before you only have to look in the mirror to realise that its not luck that brought your beautiful (usually young) wife into your life, maybe it was that ellusive visa, and was your wife overkeen to start looking for work soon after arrival (is this one of the first signs ?) i mean surely when you have gone to all the trouble of getting them to your country you can afford to keep them fianacially, a partner to enjoy your latter years (which in many cases is now ) So fellow members have all your exspectations been fullfilled Davext
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    Chris Seaborn
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    Re: I wonder what the % is of wives doing a runner once permanant visas are granted ?

    Post by Chris Seaborn on 30/11/11, 08:29 am

    Dave I don't have any figures to be able to break this into a percentage, I do think though that the figure for Chinese wives would be small. Biggest factor in this happening would be an age difference. Guys that marry much younger women, if they aren't wealthy, could be asking for trouble. Once the money runs out, probably so will the young wife. We always say when it comes to finding a partner..to use your head first heart second. You tend to get the 'red flags' waving early in a relationship and that can give warning of problems ahead. Wanting to find a job when they first arrive into your country is not to be taking the view that things are amiss. My wife and daughter both found jobs within weeks of arriving here in Australia, and she started contributing to household expenses at the same time. Her reasons for getting married...that she wanted a husband to grow old with. I am not wealthy and she knew this, a good reason to find work early, it also, she tells me, gives her a sense of family and belonging.

    I married my wife on my first trip to China, that wasn't going to happen if there was any element of doubt in my mind though, I didn't have the funds to keep flying to and from China to court my lady. We conversed before hand, on line, using a webcam, with Ying translating all my correspondence, English being, well, non existent. Ying and members of her family met me at the airport with a huge bunch of flowers. The moment I met her I was convinced of her sincerity, I haven't been proved wrong. Trust is an important requirement in any relationship, but the most important requirement is the reason why you want to get married to a lady from another country, yes, you have to have genuine and honest reasons too, if you're looking for some sort of sex/house slave, or just to have a sweet young thing hanging off your arm to say...'how good am I?' Then regardless of how much money you have once PR is obtained the chances are she'll say 'bye, bye' and rightly so.

    You have to understand that this is a generalisation, with any relationship, nothing is certain. It takes two to keep it working.

    Cheers,
    Chris.
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    chinatyke
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    Re: I wonder what the % is of wives doing a runner once permanant visas are granted ?

    Post by chinatyke on 30/11/11, 09:39 am

    It is a fact that a large number of mixed-race marriages fail, I once read 50% of those involving Chinese citizens ended in divorce.

    In Nanning we jokingly refer to it as the woman's "5 Year Plan" - some old fart marrying a piece of arm candy, after which the Chinese woman devotes 5 years of her life to someone she doesn't love just to obtain a much better quality of life. Finally, when she has her freedom in the West and has amassed enough, she bails out of the marriage. I might be cynical but we see this scenario played over and over again.
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    Re: I wonder what the % is of wives doing a runner once permanant visas are granted ?

    Post by davidmckendrick on 30/11/11, 03:59 pm

    Like Chris, I married Mei on my first trip to China but only after chatting on Yahoo instant messaging with webcam for two hours twice a day, six days a week for 6 months. We pretty much new everything about each other by then.
    Early in the relationship I suggested that rather than her coming to the UK, I should come to China where I would have difficulty getting a work visa or job - so she should continue working and support me while I sat idly at home watching TV. Not only did she say "Yes" but her dad went out and put down the deposit on a house for us in NanNing. We are now slightly over four and a half years into our relationship so I cannot comment on the five year plan.
    She says she will "retire" next year when her son leaves school and finds a job in the UK; then we can both decamp to NanNing each winter.


    David

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    Re: I wonder what the % is of wives doing a runner once permanant visas are granted ?

    Post by davext on 30/11/11, 11:51 pm

    davidmckendrick wrote:Like Chris, I married Mei on my first trip to China but only after chatting on Yahoo instant messaging with webcam for two hours twice a day, six days a week for 6 months. We pretty much new everything about each other by then.
    Early in the relationship I suggested that rather than her coming to the UK, I should come to China where I would have difficulty getting a work visa or job - so she should continue working and support me while I sat idly at home watching TV. Not only did she say "Yes" but her dad went out and put down the deposit on a house for us in NanNing. We are now slightly over four and a half years into our relationship so I cannot comment on the five year plan.
    She says she will "retire" next year when her son leaves school and finds a job in the UK; then we can both decamp to NanNing each winter.


    David
    Hi David I see that you are now living in Kenya and Mei is still in Scotland ,will she be joining you , or has she become one off the runners i have been talking about/ or are you the runner lol! Davext
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    Re: I wonder what the % is of wives doing a runner once permanant visas are granted ?

    Post by davidmckendrick on 01/12/11, 04:48 am

    I am staying in Kenya for the winter because I find daily temperatures of 26 degrees preferable to subzero. Mei is looking after her son in Scotland until he finishes school because we did not want to leave him on his own yet. We continue to communicate daily by Instant Messenger. Next year, Mei and I hope to be spending the summer touring Europe and the winter in NanNing. Mei and her son may join me in Kenya for the Easter holidays since Mei cannot get Annual Leave at Christmas and her son cannot take time off school except during the holidays.

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    Re: I wonder what the % is of wives doing a runner once permanant visas are granted ?

    Post by davext on 01/12/11, 05:01 am

    davidmckendrick wrote:I am staying in Kenya for the winter because I find daily temperatures of 26 degrees preferable to subzero. Mei is looking after her son in Scotland until he finishes school because we did not want to leave him on his own yet. We continue to communicate daily by Instant Messenger. Next year, Mei and I hope to be spending the summer touring Europe and the winter in NanNing. Mei and her son may join me in Kenya for the Easter holidays since Mei cannot get Annual Leave at Christmas and her son cannot take time off school except during the holidays.
    Hey i i know what you mean i used to travel from Carstairs to Edinburgh on the back roads .and those winter months can really get to you/ thats why i chose Oz LOL although today its 44 and am now wishing for a bit of the cold weather Davext
    Ps similar to my situation with son (he is of to boarding school in February so will help travel situation Very Happy

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    Re: I wonder what the % is of wives doing a runner once permanant visas are granted ?

    Post by Graham on 01/12/11, 09:33 am

    Hi All,

    Well, if the Chinese wife wants to do a runner after she gets her UK visa, then good luck to her.
    No point being bitter.
    I don't think many Chinese girls would be looking for a younger man, once they reach the UK visa stage.

    If they do, "do a runner" then thats that.

    Graham Weifang sunny



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    Chris Seaborn
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    Re: I wonder what the % is of wives doing a runner once permanant visas are granted ?

    Post by Chris Seaborn on 01/12/11, 10:10 am

    I agree Graham, If she does a 'runner' no point in being bitter, hurt and disillusioned maybe, but if Chinatyke is right and 50% of Chinese/western marriages end up on the 'rocks', and I have to say I think this figure seems very high, why? Why does this happen? Is it just to get a visa? Bit extreme I should think...without back-up anyway. Are the cultural differences too great? Is having a close relative in the same country a 'Red flag'? Communication? Home sickness/family problems? Lack of understanding on part of the husband? Boredom, at home all day with poor English skills? The list goes on...

    Chris.
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    makem
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    Re: I wonder what the % is of wives doing a runner once permanant visas are granted ?

    Post by makem on 01/12/11, 11:31 am

    It is one of three reasons imo:

    1. They marry for the visa.

    2. They marry for the money they can provide their family with today, or in the future.

    3. They find they are in a prison without bars. A prison in which their keeper cannot help.

    Those wives who can escape the prison and are genuinely happy with their choice of partnner make it. The others fall by the wayside.

    I am not suprised at the 50% figure. Thats not bad odds given that your wife can always return to China. I think Iwould be tempted to take the gamble in the position of most 'countryside' women. The 'city' women will have better odds.

    The new English requirement will help sort the wheat from the chaff and may reduce the 50% figure a little. There should also be a requirement of personal contact, living together for as long as finances allow but at least 3 months, for a period of three years either in China or in the UK.

    Those who say, "I could not afford that", should not be allowed to import a wife. There are plenty of UK/EU women for those less fortunate people.

    I find it hard to understand someone who is just 'scraping through', importing a woman with whom they cannot speak, a woman who expectations are high and one who thinks finding legal work is possible, especially if they have a child and/or family in China who expect support.

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    Re: I wonder what the % is of wives doing a runner once permanant visas are granted ?

    Post by Graham on 01/12/11, 12:34 pm

    makem wrote:It is one of three reasons imo:

    1. They marry for the visa.

    2. They marry for the money they can provide their family with today, or in the future.

    3. They find they are in a prison without bars. A prison in which their keeper cannot help.

    Those wives who can escape the prison and are genuinely happy with their choice of partnner make it. The others fall by the wayside.

    I am not suprised at the 50% figure. Thats not bad odds given that your wife can always return to China. I think I would be tempted to take the gamble in the position of most 'countryside' women. The 'city' women will have better odds.

    The new English requirement will help sort the wheat from the chaff and may reduce the 50% figure a little. There should also be a requirement of personal contact, living together for as long as finances allow but at least 3 months, for a period of three years either in China or in the UK.

    Those who say, "I could not afford that", should not be allowed to import a wife. There are plenty of UK/EU women for those less fortunate people.

    I find it hard to understand someone who is just 'scraping through', importing a woman with whom they cannot speak, a woman who expectations are high and one who thinks finding legal work is possible, especially if they have a child and/or family in China who expect support.
    .
    Hi eric,

    I hope you don't mind me quoting a section of your reply. Smile

    This is just my perspective,,,,

    1/ Marry for the visa, maybe, however UK or AUS, is not always the destination country,
    It is very likley, in our situation we may live in Oslo, or in my other house in Cape Town.
    So there may never be a living place in UK, or Aus.

    2/ What if the wife's family has more than sufficient money, and 6 or more apartments?
    I can not see any of my money heading that way,

    3/ A prison, I am not sure I understand, can you rephrase it?
    Do you mean that the wife will feel like a prisoner in the home, and can not go out alone, for her husbands fear that she may find another man.?

    Graham Weifang sunny

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    Re: I wonder what the % is of wives doing a runner once permanant visas are granted ?

    Post by wanneroo on 01/12/11, 12:50 pm

    Interesting to read the comments on the "Runner" Chris has stated the obvious reasons, I have to comment that in my particular case I chose a person with an age that was mature with the reality checks in place, to compliment my own years on this planet, I was very unsure of the longer term getting involved, I nearly gave it all away,like Chris and a few of the guys know about this, needless to say, I went through, a younger Women did not suck me in with the Eye Candy aspect! Visa Hunters, runners etc etc I say if they want to go well bugger off!! and get a man with money and youth, you get passed caring, I do like Eric's tabled reasoning re the UK yes you are very correct
    My friend has just returned from Bangkok he has met a 42 year old Thai Woman he is 66 he is currently under the influence, he has committed himself to consider living in Thailand this is the older Man/younger Woman reasoning, I have red flagged him today it is so easy for someone lonely to go down this road with out the head leading the evaluation, I would say 50% is a reality, nothing like an old fool in this scene it will continue to affect Western Men and there delusions of true love and commitment Being cynical about loving is not good I wait with a great deal of commitment towards my Wife for the PR being approved, if I am sat alone after this I will say well it was an experience and have no regrets
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    Re: I wonder what the % is of wives doing a runner once permanant visas are granted ?

    Post by makem on 01/12/11, 01:27 pm

    Graham wrote:

    Hi eric,

    I hope you don't mind me quoting a section of your reply. Smile

    This is just my perspective,,,,

    1/ Marry for the visa, maybe, however UK or AUS, is not always the destination country,
    It is very likley, in our situation we may live in Oslo, or in my other house in Cape Town.
    So there may never be a living place in UK, or Aus.

    2/ What if the wife's family has more than sufficient money, and 6 or more apartments?
    I can not see any of my money heading that way,

    3/ A prison, I am not sure I understand, can you rephrase it?
    Do you mean that the wife will feel like a prisoner in the home, and can not go out alone, for her husbands fear that she may find another man.?

    Graham Weifang sunny


    Quote away Graham and I will return the favour lol. (BTW, I still await your email re. currency exchange)

    1. I refer only to the UK in my messages - because, I only have experience of the UK.

    2. If the wife has her own finance then she does not belong in (2) of my list but could still be in (1) or (3)

    3. By 'prison' I mean being contained within 4 walls by the manacles of language, the inability to work and lack of friends. Her keeper (husband) cannot help other than to point her to education which seems to take years without a certain good outcome. I make no reference to a husbands feeling of inseceurity if he is foolish (sorry, but that is my opinion*) enough to marry someone many years younger.

    *I married an English woman many years younger after my first wife died. I was foolish in hindsight and had to divorce for reasons of incompatibility after the 2 children of that marriage grew up.

    NB. I consider a cruise ship to be a prison lol

    Further thought which should be considered imo:

    The woman who has 'lots' of money may still have other motives than love or combined with love. Those who have money always want more and is even more the case with Chinese imo. They may also want contacts or a base in the UK (or elsewhere for that matter) to enable them or their family to make more money for stashing away in China.
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    Re: I wonder what the % is of wives doing a runner once permanant visas are granted ?

    Post by Chris Seaborn on 01/12/11, 08:17 pm

    I'm still unsure of the 50% figure quoted. Are you talking unions between large age differences, rich and poor, all foreign nationalities or just Chinese women? Where are these figures coming from? I don't personally know many guys with foreign wives near me locally, the Chinese wives seem as happy as any married couple,(maybe more so,) Thai ladies seem to be flighty, but that is only an observation, no experience there. This is my 4th marriage Eric, I also had a wife that died and had a few 'associations' in between these marriages, as you do, but my Chinese wife is un-real, in my reasonable experience I never thought marriage could be as good or,in fact, possible. I'm not 'The Boss' neither is my wife, that's never happened before! My wife is from farming stock but had her own 'Noodle Shop' in Nanning for 3/4 years, working long hours for little return really, she certainly wasn't rich by any standard and shared an apartment with her workers. She had little English not enough for conversation, Ting, our daughter, failed English at High School, but simple conversation was possible. On arrival in Australia Ying just threw herself into learning English...I threw Ting into High School a couple of days after they arrived LOL, they both embraced their new life style..a true, 'When in Rome do as the Romans do' scenario, Ying, I don't think will ever become an Australian citizen, she may, but I don't think so, regardless she will always hang on to her PR entitlement, we intend to live in China in a few years anyway, Ting? She's young, she may. I'll be interested to gauge her reaction after a month 'back home' in Guilin. Your comment on 'being in a prison' is justified, I think if Ying hadn't got a job reasonably soon she would have gone crackers, I think we have it over you guys in the UK,to a degree, employers give people a go even if their language is poor, Ying learnt Pea Factory English, Motel English and now working with Aged Care English LOL. Diction is still poor along with reading and writing but everyone understands her, so it can't be too bad and we still misinterpret each other occasionally, but that's part of our fun and we have a good laugh at these 'mistakes', taking each other too seriously over these matters is not a good thing.Maybe having fun is the answer?

    Cheers,
    Chris.
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    Re: I wonder what the % is of wives doing a runner once permanant visas are granted ?

    Post by davidmckendrick on 02/12/11, 02:36 am

    Hi Chris,
    I don't know if Mei felt imprisoned. It didn't take her long to start driving in UK once she had some idea about finding her way around. I bought her her own car before she arrived and she already had a Chinese driving license although she could only afford a motorbike there. Before driving in the UK she managed ok on the buses and trains. She had her own creditcard on my account so she never had to worry about money and I had already aggreed to send some money to her parents each month to repay what she had borrowed while living with them after her divorce. It did take 6 months to find an employer who would give her a chance with her poor English and she is still with that employer and highly valued.
    I'm fairly sure that Mei's family put pressure on her to get remarried so that she and her son would get out of her parents house and stop being subsidised by her parents and siblings. Her best friend had married an American which is probably why Mei chose a foreigner.
    There is a 21 year age gap which was the same as with my previous wife. However she would probably find it difficult to get remarried in China because she is now older and already has a child. My previous wife refused to live in UK because it is so cold, even in the summer.
    Of her Chinese friends in the UK I only know of one marriage that has failed.
    Mei does seem more dedicated to "Family" than is typical in UK and her aim in life is to have a happy and prosperous family around her. Distance does not seem to be a major concern since I am currently living in Kenya and her parents and siblings are still in China and her best friend is in Texas, USA.
    I do have a friend who was married to a Thai woman but that marriage failed and she returned to Thailand.

    David

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    Re: I wonder what the % is of wives doing a runner once permanant visas are granted ?

    Post by CPRSCC on 06/12/11, 02:41 am

    Without access to actual statistics I can only add the benefit of my experiences which seem to confirm that marriage failures with Chinese women to "foreigners" seem to be below the norm. This has always seemed curious to me because the incidence of divorce in China seems to be about on par with anywhere else.

    I always thought that the difference was that success of the marriage was more likely when the woman was a bit older, let's say above 40. By this age, especially with a child, her prospects in China are slim and she's more likely to put in the effort to choose well and to make the marriage work.

    A straw poll across this forum, and others, seems to point towards a failure rate of around 10%. This rate seems also to fit with my knowledge of Chinese women who went to English classes with Li and with whom she became friends. Of about a dozen, married to a mixture of Australian and Chinese men, there is only one that we know of that resulted in divorce.

    I think that the essential factors in success are the intentions of both the husband and wife. There have been a few failures on this forum but, in every case, it was clear from the beginning that the fellow just wanted a cleaner/ego booster/bedmate. In some cases it was clear that the woman just wanted a visa. Generally, those here on the forum could see the "red flags" and were usually correct.

    There is also a significant cultural difference between Chinese women and those of some, not all, other Asian countries. I believe that, given the right conditions i.e. a husband who is not abusive or irresponsible, a Chinese woman will work harder to make a marriage work.

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    Re: I wonder what the % is of wives doing a runner once permanant visas are granted ?

    Post by Chris Seaborn on 06/12/11, 10:13 am

    Yes Chris what you've written fits in with what I feel is correct. There certainly seems a big difference in divorce rates between Western/Chinese marriage and Western/other Asian marriages. And I think you've hit the nail on the head regarding the older, 1 child Chinese Lady.

    Cheers,
    Chris.
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    Re: I wonder what the % is of wives doing a runner once permanant visas are granted ?

    Post by chinatyke on 06/12/11, 10:36 am

    What I said was:

    Chinatyke wrote:It is a fact that a large number of mixed-race marriages fail, I once read 50% of those involving Chinese citizens ended in divorce.

    Sorry, but I cannot remember where I read that but I think it referred to mixed marriages in Shanghai. So just treat the 50% figure as 'hearsay', however the first part is definitely true.

    You should all read:

    http://www.henrymakow.com/my_chinese_wife_set_a_trap.html

    There are many things that ring true in this article, for example:

    "My 'sweet' wife got her US citizenship and things changed from thereon, overnight and never looked back until she left me.

    After she got her citizenship papers my wife asked me, demanded me to get her parents and relatives over, to sponsor them. I told her I cannot get her parents over as I was not earning enough; what are they going to live on? At this she laughed and said that 'in China men took care of the family and wives hold on to what they earn'. She would not give what she earned...."

    Not all marriages are like this but it is typical of the way a lot of Chinese women think. I honestly could write books about what really happens and I'm sure Al and the forum administrators could do also.

    Often it is not the fault of the Chinese woman but more about the dishevelled, poverty-stricken, old westerner who turns up at Nanning airport with great expectations of marrying a young trophy-bride, a traditional servile Chinese beauty who would wait on his every whim... It always makes me laugh when foreigners say they want a "traditional Chinese woman" - when they really have a mental image of an upper-class concubine and not the traditional Chinese peasant woman walking behind an oxen or working up to her knees in a rice paddy.

    Here is another article which explains many aspects from the Chinese woman's perspective:

    http://middlekingdomlife.com/guide/understanding-attraction-foreign-men-china.htm
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    Re: I wonder what the % is of wives doing a runner once permanant visas are granted ?

    Post by wanneroo on 06/12/11, 10:53 am

    Graham that was an excellent article to read and digest

    http://middlekingdomlife.com/guide/understanding-attraction-foreign-men-china.htm

    More Western men should read or be aware of choosing a Chinese Woman behind the glamour and beauty
    Cheers Geoff
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    Re: I wonder what the % is of wives doing a runner once permanant visas are granted ?

    Post by Robert on 16/12/11, 10:32 am

    Seems to me if you marry a Chinese woman and this relationship ends in divorce excuses seem to be she married me for a visa, she married me for my money, etc

    The majority of men on this forum was married previously and divorce did that relationship finished because she wanted a visa or your money I don't think so.

    Percentage of divorces is far greater in the second marriage there is more problems to face like children from a previous marriage, communicating with your ex, financial problems with maintenance of children etc etc.

    When you marry someone with a different culture from your own and the language barrier can create great strains on your marriage.

    The secret to any successful marriage is communications if the woman you marry as problems speaking English this can kill marriage off before it starts.

    If you're married woman 25 years younger than yourself the man is asking for trouble, common sense flies through the window.

    Woman will always try to marry someone who can give her a better life you wouldn't expect her to do the opposite that in any culture Chinese American Australian English etc. You always will find women from any culture what are gold-diggers and married for what they can get

    Then what about your attitude do you to expect a Chinese woman to say yes sir three bags full sir and be your skivvy because she Chinese, you're much older set in your ways it's quite difficult to adjust to someone living with you perhaps after many years living on your own.

    A successful marriage is about communication fail with communications your marriage will fail especially before marriage and if we try to communicate then we might stop using excuse about visas



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    Chris Seaborn
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    Re: I wonder what the % is of wives doing a runner once permanant visas are granted ?

    Post by Chris Seaborn on 16/12/11, 11:46 am

    Hi Reeth, I agree with what you've written but of course every case is different. I've been married 4 times and I can understand what you're saying. My problem was that I picked the same type of women... every time! This is not to say that each woman was bad or that I was either, it was just that we couldn't get on. Talk about a slow learner! LOL. Meeting and marrying someone from a vastly different culture who couldn't speak much of my native tongue has been a blessing for me, having to adjust and compromise and to understand that 'things' can be misunderstood has caused much merriment in our household, but, I guess,the lady still has to be right for you. I can't say, with my limited experience, that most Chinese women are the same as my wife or that they're not for that matter. I know, that for me, I have a gem. And for the first time the child/ren of my wives' previous marriage has accepted me as a father, this still leaves me with a sense of joy after 4 years. Marrying a lady from a different culture has not been hard for me. But you both have to have a sense of humour and lots of understanding.LOL.

    Chris.
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    chinatyke
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    Re: I wonder what the % is of wives doing a runner once permanant visas are granted ?

    Post by chinatyke on 16/12/11, 02:48 pm

    chinatyke wrote:It is a fact that a large number of mixed-race marriages fail, I once read 50% of those involving Chinese citizens ended in divorce.

    OK so the figure is 25% in Beijing.

    25% in Beijing

    This only takes into account those divorces granted in Beijing. The actual figure will be higher than this as some marriages will be ended outside China.

    Graham

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    Re: I wonder what the % is of wives doing a runner once permanant visas are granted ?

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